10 Signs It Wasn’t Love, It Was A Trauma Bonding

10 Signs It Wasn’t Love, It Was A Trauma Bonding

A healthy relationship is one in which you can be open about your feelings and each other’s. Building a stable relationship with our partner brings us both physical and emotional well-being. 

But surely not everyone has had the same experience? Some people form trauma bonds instead of love bonds. Trauma attachments are toxic relationships that grow stronger over time when couples don’t recognize warning signs and hope that their relationship will resolve itself over time.

Trauma bonds form in severe cases, such as exploitative or codependent relationships, where one person is emotionally burned out while the other is unaware.

1. You or your partner are experiencing extreme jealousy

It’s normal to experience jealousy from time to time. But it certainly becomes a problem when someone is constantly jealous of certain aspects of your life.

He constantly checks who you follow on Instagram and stalks all your friends. There’s a difference between healthy jealousy and constant doubting of one another.

2. You wonder if love should feel like this

When you fall in love with someone, you should feel completely yourself. You should feel happy to be with him. Of course, some days there are small arguments and misunderstandings, but that’s normal.

The problem occurs when you constantly have disagreements and feel devalued. Don’t try too hard to fight a battle that’s already lost. You have to let go of a relationship that isn’t good for you, both mentally and emotionally.

3. He ignores your needs

When the person you love ignores your needs, it’s the worst feeling. You feel unwanted even though you were always there for him. It’s nothing less than a traumatic bond. You feel needy, but you are not. Because if he had taken care of himself beforehand, everything would have gone differently.

4. You sacrifice your needs to make him happy

Have you tried to get your partner’s attention by buying them gifts that are over your budget? Or did your needs always come before his?

Well, rest assured that you are experiencing a traumatic attachment where you are constantly trying to win his affections. Relationships should be equal. Both partners must invest the same amount of time and effort.

If you were the only one trying, there was a lack of understanding and, above all, respect. You have to stop bending over backwards to make him happy. The right person will appreciate you and won’t let you sacrifice your own needs.

5. You are way too dependent on your partner

There is a term used to describe people who are overly dependent on their partners – it’s called codependency. It is a relationship where your happiness and identity depends on your partner.

The problem arises when one person takes advantage of the other. It can be exhausting both emotionally and physically, as well as financially. Sometimes it’s unintentional, while most of the time it’s conscious. This encourages toxic behavior in relationships where you keep giving your partner second chances and they keep making the same mistakes.

6. You try to change for him

A healthy relationship is one in which you accept your partner for who they are and they accept you. If you came across a relationship that made you change things about yourself, then it wasn’t “love,” it was definitely a trauma bond, and you certainly don’t need someone in your life who doesn’t love you that way , how you are. You can always try to change yourself for the better, but never for someone else. 

7. You feel like you’ve had more breakups and fights than happy moments with him

Serious arguments sometimes arise in a long-term relationship – it’s common, we all go through ups and downs. However, when it becomes a pattern, it is a cause for concern.

Your relationship shouldn’t have rougher spots than happy moments. That doesn’t mean you can’t handle tough situations, it just means you need to put your sanity ahead of everything else.

8. He makes big decisions without involving you

Individuality in a relationship is essential. As an adult, you don’t need to ask anyone’s permission before making your own decisions. However, it becomes a traumatic bond for you when he makes important decisions without consulting with you or even telling you. 

9. You feel addicted to him

When we think of addiction, substances like drugs and alcohol come to mind. However, have you ever wondered if “love” could be an addiction? When you feel like you are becoming addicted to the other person, you are experiencing the early stages of trauma attachment.

You hold onto it even when your arguments have turned into emotional breakdowns. You continue to stay with him because you believe that without him you are nothing and cannot let him go.

10. One of you is exhibiting controlling behavior

We are all trying to change things in our lives, maybe even those of our partners, for the better. However, being forced to change certain aspects of your life can be unhealthy.

Being aggressively controlled in relationships is also abuse and may not be physical. but often you can experience emotional abuse in the form of gaslighting or insults. And that’s definitely a strong indicator of trauma attachment.

When you transcend trauma attachments and see that what you were really holding onto wasn’t worth the effort, you suddenly learn that love should feel wonderful and not like walking on eggshells.

All relationships teach us something, and some are positive and some are not. But we still learn from these experiences so that we don’t make the same mistakes again in the future. If you’re having a hard time letting go, you can overcome trauma attachments by identifying the red flags in a relationship before it’s too late.

Eliminate the people who don’t respect or belittle you. Focus on your needs and emotional well-being. Stand up for yourself, even if it means standing up to others. Also, seek professional help and seek therapy if needed.