We all get scared at the beginning of a new relationship, there are clothes all over the floor because you “have nothing to wear” and you keep checking your cell phone to see if it has replied to your messages.
The first few months are filled with butterflies and excitement, but they’re also a minefield of worries and fears as your feelings for that person grow stronger.
Are things moving fast enough or too fast? Can you imagine a future with this person?
These are just a few of the unanswerable questions that go through our heads, clutter our minds, and distract us from really enjoying it.
But how can you keep those anxious thoughts from getting out of hand and just relax when you’re with someone new?
We are all guilty of panicking a little at the beginning of a new relationship, but you should focus on not letting your fears overrun you and ruining something good.
If you notice that your anxiety levels are rising, read on and get some tips on how to deal with your emotions at the beginning of a new relationship.
Note: If you’re really worried about how your fears might affect your blossoming relationship and you want to get a grip on them, speaking to a relationship expert can really help.
1. Remember that you are still getting to know each other.
Not so long ago, this person you are trying to impress was a complete stranger.
It may feel like a lifetime, but you probably haven’t really known each other that long.
You need time to get to know each other if you really want this to happen. Nobody is perfect and if you try to hide anything from them because you’re afraid they won’t like you; you are not giving the relationship a real chance.
If this relationship goes anyplace, you’ve got to just accept one another for UN agency you’re, insensible days and dangerous, thus it is best to merely relax and let him get to understand the $64000 you from the beginning.
2. Don’t be afraid to be vulnerable.
The thought of being vulnerable and opening up where your feelings could be hurt can understandably cause a lot of fear.
Lowering your emotional protective barriers and letting someone see who you really are is a big step, but it’s necessary if you want this relationship to stand a chance.
The idea of being rejected may panic you and make you wonder if you should stop things before, they even start properly.
But letting someone in and trusting them is a risk that you have to be willing to take if you want anything to move.
If you keep him emotionally at a distance, you will never be able to build the trusting bond that is the foundation of any good relationship.
Don’t think too much about it. Try not to worry about getting hurt before anything even indicates it.
3. Don’t let your past hold you back.
It’s hard not to let a previous relationship sway you when starting something with someone new, especially if that relationship ended badly.
Breakups can make us suspicious, and it’s normal to be cautious and apprehensive when you start something new for fear of hurting again.
But just because you’ve been hurt before doesn’t mean you will be hurt again this time.
It’s not fair to distrust your new partner just because someone hurt you in the past. It’s a different relationship, a different person, and a different circumstance. Don’t let past fears ruin the joys your future might hold with this person.
If you see similar patterns developing that led to the end of your previous relationship and the alarm bells begin to ring, listen. But it’s important to distinguish between your fears and the reality of what this relationship makes you feel.
If he makes you happy, relax and welcome it. Don’t wait for it to go wrong; enjoy everything that goes well.
4. A shared experience is a good experience.
Shared experiences are what bring you closer together in a new relationship. What might feel embarrassing right now (like embarrassing yourself on a date) could become one of your favorite funny stories in the future.
We are all human and everything cannot always be perfect.
This also applies to disputes. An early-stage argument can feel like the end of the world, but it helps you understand each other in the long run. You see the good and the bad and get to know each other’s triggers and limits.
If your relationship is to have a future, you have to see each side of the other to know if you are really a good match.
Try to stop worrying about being too indulgent and easy to get along with, especially when it’s not in your nature. Be yourself without apologizing and if he stays you know that he is always there for you and not just in the good times.
5. Don’t put yourself under pressure.
The fastest way to get something off the ground is to put pressure on the situation.
We all want us to only have perfect dates in the first few months and we set ourselves high standards for how we look, what we say, and how we behave.
It can be exhausting living under our own pressures to make every date great. Ultimately, it can prevent us from really enjoying it.
Just like staring at your phone and worrying if you wrote the right thing, not letting him answer faster, anxious thinking about your dates or outfits won’t make your date any better.
If you two don’t work out, then it shouldn’t have been. But if you don’t put yourself under so much pressure, you will at least have enjoyed the time you had together.
6. Turn fear into excitement.
Being afraid isn’t necessarily a bad thing. Having these butterflies in someone’s stomach means you want things to go well. It shows that you are attracted to him and that is something you should celebrate and not worry about!
Fear and excitement are not all that different; it just takes a little bit of mental effort to jump from one to the other.
If you find yourself scared of a scheduled date, take a deep breath and stop worrying about anything that might go wrong.
Instead, start thinking about all of the reasons why you are happy to see this person you like. Allow for joyful excitement and enjoy those first few months together.
It takes some mental discipline on your part, but gradually training your brain to focus on the positives of a situation rather than the negatives can be helpful in all aspects of your life, not simply your relationship.
7. Be logical with your fears.
So, you’re panicking again about this new relationship. You’ve got yourself into a spin and are just one step away from breaking it all off.
Before you do that, have you ever thought about whether there is any reason for you to be so worried? This does not mean hypothetical considerations in the sense of “what if”, but real warning signs that you have noticed in the relationship and that indicate that it will end badly?
Sometimes we can get so lost in our own heads that we cannot distinguish between fact and fiction.
If you get scared at the thought that your partner is leaving or cheating on you, try to remember that those worries are unfounded and most likely arise from past experiences.
Unless your new partner has given you some signs that you have a reason to distrust them, there is still no reason to doubt them.
8. Communicate your feelings.
Worrying about whether he likes you as much as you like him is one of the most common fears we go through at the beginning of a relationship. You don’t know whether to get your hopes up or to flee.
Ultimately, you can’t know what the other is thinking unless you ask. We all show our feelings in different ways, and guess what someone might be feeling often leads to wrong assumptions.
If you want him to know about your feelings or if you want to know where you stand with him, just talk to him about it.
Of course, you shouldn’t go straight to the first date and ask if he already loves you. But once you’ve been together for a few months and you feel like things are getting more serious, having a gentle chat about whether the two of you can envision a future can help keep your fears at bay.
9. Focus on the present.
If you like someone and really want it to work out with you, you can’t help but imagine your life together – moving in together, maybe getting married, or having children.
Once you’re on this path, it won’t be long before you start thinking about any complication that could stand in the way of your happiness for the end of your days.
You may start to over-analyze the relationship because you want to find out if you want the same things and if you really are a perfect match.
Asking yourself these big questions can lead to more anxiety than it is worth.
Nobody knows what’s around the next corner, let alone whether your relationship will work out long-term or not. But worrying about it for the first few months of being together definitely won’t help.
Yes, it is important to have similar values and plans to build a future with the person concerned. If you are having a hard time seeing how you really fit together, then maybe this is not the right person for you.
But as much as you think about every obstacle that might stand in your way, you will never be prepared for what life will throw at your feet.
Don’t let it take you away from enjoying those first few moments together because you’re thinking too far ahead. Stay in the present and focus on being happy now.
10. Be patient and focus on yourself.
You may be worried that things are going too fast or not fast enough.
Maybe you are unsure when to take the next step or who to say “I love you” first.
Perhaps you are comparing your relationship with other people and worrying that your relationship is progressing at a different pace.
There is no single right answer to the way to have a relationship. It takes time to build a solid foundation for a strong relationship and each couple does this in their own way.
It is impossible to compare yourself to other couples or even previous relationships because each relationship is as unique as the people in it. You will not immediately know everything about the other; it takes time to really understand each other.
You don’t need to rush this process. The only and most important reference to consult is whether you are happy. If it is you, allow yourself to be happy without worrying about how you compare to others
People and their relationships fail.
Allow yourself to relax and just enjoy the feeling of getting to know each other at the pace that works for you.
Almost everyone can understand fear at the beginning of a relationship. It’s all part of learning to trust a person and building your bond.
What you want to prevent is your fear from taking over and preventing you from feeling all of the excitement and joy that go with starting a new relationship.
Turn your nervous energy into positivity and have confidence in yourself that this person wants to spend their time with you because they like you!
You do not have to be anyone but yourself; so, try to relax and let the current carry you. Approach each day as it comes and try to see each experience as a positive one.
