Your ex just texted?
It can get so upset when men come back out of the blue months after it ended.
Let’s try to decipher his behavior and find out what is going on.
Here are 12 possible reasons he’s coming back months later …
1. He misses you.
We all get nostalgic now and then. Maybe he saw something that reminded him of you, or maybe he’s just been thinking a lot lately.
In any case, he honestly misses you and what you had. He may miss being in a relationship or he may miss who he was when he was with you.
He wants you back because he misses how things used to be.
If you think a second try might work, give it a try! Listen to your gut instinct, make sure you both have had enough time to be sure you really want to be together again, and see if you have worked on what held you back the last time.
You can just as easily miss someone but not want the relationship back – and it’s okay to let them know.
You may choose not to want to talk to him because it’s too hard and you just want to focus on getting over him and moving on, no matter how much you miss each other.
Not everyone we love is right for us and you need to think about yourself first.
2. He feels guilty for the way he treated you.
If your ex comes back months later, they may not be trying to get you back but rather apologize and stand up for their behavior.
A little time apart may have given him the space he needed to reflect on what he was doing and really reflect on what part he had in the relationship and the breakup.
He may feel terrible about the way he treated you, or how and why it ended and wants to make up for it with an apology.
How it works is up to you – if he wants to discuss the matter but you’re not ready, ask him to respect your wishes and give you more time.
Maybe he could email you an apology for you to read at your own discretion.
Or maybe you prefer to reject the conversation entirely because you don’t care how bad he feels or you don’t want to relive what happened again. It’s your decision!
3. His plans to let off steam did not work.
Maybe your ex ended the relationship because he wanted to be single for a while.
This happens a lot and can have various reasons: He was never really single, something has changed in his life (new job, new friends, etc.) and he wanted to explore his options further, or he wasn’t sure whether he should be ready for a firm bond.
Of course, it could have been due to a thousand other things and you will probably never know for sure!
If he wanted to let off steam, he probably had plans to have fun with lots of women and “get the most out of” being single. Yes, the thought hurts but is likely the reality of the situation.
The reason he’s crawling back in is that he realized that (shock, horror!) Being single and fucking around is not that great. Sure, it can be fun, but it’s also very different from being in a committed relationship with someone who actually means something to you.
Maybe he realized that being single isn’t as fun as he imagined, and now he might want to be in a relationship again – with you.
Think about whether you want to take it back or not, and whether that’s an option at all. Can you live with knowing he wandered the beds and do you think it could really work this time?
He has to be respectful of you and make it clear that you are his priority and not just the reserve because he has become bored with shagging!
4. He wants what he cannot have.
You did the classic power move during the breakup – you got over it, focused on yourself, and managed an emotional and physical glow-up.
You may be in better shape than ever or have finally had the courage to apply for this one position.
Whatever it is, he noticed. He can see that you enjoy your independence, that you are happy, healthy, and thriving – without him …
For one thing, his ego may have suffered a little damage from it. He wonders how you managed to survive without him (violently, we know, but some guys think so seriously) and may wonder if he was holding you back in any way.
This probably doesn’t feel that great, so he might want to prove it had nothing to do with him by getting back to you. If you keep achieving your goals with flying colors when you’re with him again, he couldn’t have been the problem before, right?
Second, nothing is more attractive than an ex who has moved on and doesn’t want you anymore. It’s unhealthy, of course, but it’s still true.
Now that he cannot have you ever and you are doing therefore well; he needs you back. This new, independent, confident version of you fascinates him and he wants to be with you.
Knowing that he can’t have you (either because you broke up with him or because you just kept moving) drives him crazy and pours even more oil on his craving for you.
If you’ve moved this far, you may not want to have anything to do with him! You focused on getting this far – so do you want to risk getting back together with him and losing all the progress you made while rebuilding yourself?
Only you can answer that …
5. It didn’t work with his other option.
Let’s say your relationship ended because you caught him cheating.
You went your separate ways, he moved away with the beloved – and now he’s back months later.
You don’t have to be a genius to be able to think that it didn’t work out with the other …
If he has popped back into your life out of the blue and full of compliments, then most likely it didn’t work out with the woman he cheated on you with.
He wants you back because his other option didn’t go as hoped.
And here, too, you have to consider whether it is enough for you to be an option instead of a priority. He’s already made up his mind on someone other than you, so are you content to get back together with him when you know he left you for someone else?
Does he really want you back or does he just need a safety net because someone else has hurt his ego?
6. He did not have a good relationship and realized what he had lost.
This case is very similar to the one above, but a little different, so it is worth considering.
He may not have left you straight away for someone else, but he found another relationship pretty soon after you broke up.
He may have realized how good he was with you, simply because the other relationship was so bad. Now that he has a comparison, he can see how lucky he was with you!
He could have come to this conclusion without having had another relationship. Maybe he just realized how much he enjoyed being with you and how great the relationship really was.
A little time apart can often give the very necessary clear view. He could get in touch with you now to let you know how much he values you and how sorry he is that he wasn’t aware of that before.
You might be okay with that and be really happy to hear these things. However, he must constantly show you that he values you and live these values if this relationship is to work. He can’t just let himself fall back to the effortless life and take you for granted again!
7. Friends or family have told him to do it.
We’ve all seen it before. A relationship ends for some reason, and after a few months of the tribulation, loved ones make a comment that you should try again.
Maybe they are tired of seeing you unhappy or they really think you should try one more try. Either way, this could have happened if your ex comes back months later.
Some of his friends may have told him that you were the best thing that ever happened to him. Maybe his family said he should really try dating you because you were really good to him and he was so much happier with you than without you.
This is something you should definitely consider if your ex suddenly shows up after months of no contact!
8. He feels lonely or he wants to give his ego a boost.
We are all lonely at times and many of us “relapse” and seek contact with our ex.
It’s Friday evening, we’ve been out and had a little drink, and now we’re home alone. Drunk we scroll through old photos of us with our ex looking happy, or maybe our friends are totally glued to each other and we are jealous of their loving relationship.
In any case, we feel lonely – so why not write to our ex and just sound out the matter?
Maybe he’s feeling crappy and inferior right now – maybe he’s still single and that makes him feel unattractive. He may be hoping that you will compliment him and make him feel better like you probably did when you were together.
He may also want you to want him – if he texts you and you’re happy to hear from him and urgently want to get back together with him, he will feel wanted, desired, and attractive.
If so, he might not be interested in anything serious or long-term, so be warned!
He might just be lonely and feel a little sorry for himself, and he hopes you will give him the affection and attention he wants.
9. He spent time working on himself.
This is one of the few times we think it can be a good thing when an ex suddenly shows up months later!
If he really used the few months apart to work on himself, we have great respect for a man like that.
Perhaps he used the time of your breakup to focus on himself, reflect on his behavior in the relationship, and really try to make healthier choices in life.
If part of the reason you split up with his actions or lifestyle, he may be in touch now to let you know that he wants to try again and did the necessary work.
For example, you may have broken up because he started using drugs and kept going out late at night. When he stops this behavior, he wants to let you know because it could mean that you are taking him back.
Maybe he has a new job, stopped unhealthy habits, or is ready to bond with you seriously. He wants you to know that he took these steps to be a better partner for you because he wants you to give him another chance.
Assess however compatible you 2 square measure currently and the way a lot of you’re thinking that he is ready to decide to this new lifestyle.
If he quit smoking 3 days past, do not trust him too quickly! He might not be able to very create the sacrifices that square measure necessary for the connection to figure over the future.
10. He just wants sex.
Sometimes we have to accept that our ex shows up simply because he wants sex.
We don’t have to go into great detail here because we’ve all experienced this at some point!
If he’s texting you for the first time in months and it’s 2 a.m., or he’s drunk, or his messages are suggestive or flirtatious, there’s a good chance he just wants to sleep with you again.
If you are okay with sleeping with him, do it. If you’re not sure, it should probably be a no.
Know your worth and don’t settle for sex with your ex if you could go on a date with a man who is genuinely interested in you!
11. The breakup has messed him up.
If your breakup came pretty suddenly or was messy, it could be that you both took some time to really process it.
It is very possible that he realized during this time that he never got a clean conclusion on the reasons for the relationship’s end.
He might come back months later because he needs some clarity. Maybe he just wants to talk to you about what happened and why so that he can really let it all rest and move on.
This is a very mature approach and a healthy way to process it, provided you are ready for this type of conversation.
12. He’s not sure what he wants.
Your ex may have contacted you months later because he’s not sure how he’s feeling.
He doesn’t necessarily want to get back to you, but he also doesn’t like the fact that you aren’t together.
If he’s confused about what happened between the two of you and doesn’t know what outcome he wants, he may just let it go and sound it out to see how you react.
If you’re happy to hear from him, he still has a chance with you and he might realize that this is what he really wanted.
And the other way around: If you reject him and make it clear that you will never get together again, he can accept that this option is out of the question and will find out what he wants.