9 tips: This is the best way to deal with an emotionally unstable partner
When you fall in love, you may think your relationship is perfect. The idea that either of you might be emotionally unstable is the furthest thing from you. After all, being in love causes your brain to release all sorts of feel-good chemicals that make you feel like you’re on cloud nine. You feel absolutely “high” when you’re in love!
However, as most of us know, this feeling wears off after a while. Your brain eventually stops producing so many feel-good chemicals, and you slowly return to normal.
While some people then live happily ever after, others begin to realize that their supposed “perfect partner” isn’t so perfect anymore. Some even come to the realization that their partner is downright emotionally unstable.
How did this person become someone you hardly recognize?
He may have temper tantrums or unexplained violent mood swings. Maybe your partner is being overly dramatic or trying to manipulate you. Your emotionally unstable partner may also have low empathy.
He has a hard time understanding you or empathizing with you. You also feel like you’re in a power struggle and he’s having a hard time admitting his mistakes.
People who are emotionally unstable tend to blame others for their mistakes. The intensity with which they express their emotions is extreme. They tend not to be moderate in any of their interactions. This can make you feel like you’re walking around them on eggshells in fear of their intense emotional outbursts.
The problem is that you probably still love the person. So what’s the best way to deal with your emotionally unstable partner?
1. Don’t join in his drama
Emotionally unstable people often create drama that they quickly drag their partner into. But as the saying goes: “You always need two to dance the tango”.
In other words, someone can’t play a game alone. You always need another person to join in. So don’t back down when your partner tries to take their drama on to you. Refuse to engage and keep your distance.
2. Keep calm
Don’t get caught up in his emotional storms. It’s easy to get upset too when your partner is upset because you’re trying to defend yourself, but that just adds to their drama. Try to stay calm and rational as this is the only way to ensure a fair and healthy conversation.
3. Take a step back and watch him
Ask yourself if you did something wrong. Because emotionally unstable people tend to manipulate other people, they may make you feel like you’ve done something wrong, when in fact the guilt doesn’t concern you.
They will question your actions and sanity. Be objective and observe your partner and yourself. Did you really do something wrong? Try to look at the situation from both sides and then weigh it up.
4. Get other people’s perspectives
Tell your stories to trusted people around you. Tell them what’s happening in your interactions and get their opinion on whether your partner is exaggerating or if you’ve actually done something wrong. Someone on the outside will likely have a clearer view of what’s going on.
5. Demand respect from him
Remind your emotionally unstable partner that the way they talk to you is unacceptable. A very important thing to always remind yourself is this: You are teaching the people around you how to treat you. Demand that they treat you with respect.
6. Walk away when he attacks you
If he attacks you verbally, mentally, or emotionally, just walk away from the conversation. Don’t let him do this to you! Demand that he speaks to you respectfully, and don’t accept anything less than that. If he can’t show you respect, then end the conversation and avoid it until he can.
7. Don’t fall for his manipulation
If he tries to manipulate you, refuse to accept it. Make notes of the things he tells you and what he does so you have a record and don’t forget. If he’s trying to deny things to make you look crazy, pull out your list and show him the truth.
8. Suggest therapy
Often an emotionally unstable person cannot get better on their own. Going to see a trained therapist or psychologist – both alone and in pairs – is something that could really help him. So suggest therapy to your partner and offer to participate if they want to.
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9. If all else fails, end the relationship
Unfortunately, not all relationships can survive — even under the best of circumstances. When you’ve tried everything you can to fix and heal your relationship with someone who is emotionally unstable, sometimes it’s just time to end the relationship and find someone who is a better match for you and you making happy.