If your relationship gets tough, what do you do? Are you fighting for a man, or do you conclude with this chapter?
Fighting or walking?
We have to do many things for a relationship to work. Make compromises. Communicate. Invest. The list is long, but it should never include fighting.
If it’s the right thing, you will know in your heart, mind, and stomach. That means that you don’t give up without a fight. It’s worth a try. Because the “what if” will always weigh on you if you don’t do everything you can to keep your relationship on the right track.
But if you’re struggling to keep someone, you should think about letting them go. It’s probably not worth the effort.
You fight for a man when fate is against you … Illness, unemployment, hard times. You don’t fight for a man just because another woman is lurking in the background. Or when he obviously doesn’t appreciate you.
If he shows interest in others, you should wish him well and let him go if he wants to. It’s never worth fighting for a man when you know for sure that he doesn’t love you at all and never will love you. That sounds cold, but you’re doing him a favor. The person you are with now will never change without a catalyst. You could be her wake-up call. If not, then at least you are free to find someone willing to invest in your future together.
The real problem when he hurts you
Cheating can be a sign of a bigger problem, something you can both work on and struggle through together. But not always.
Sometimes your partner brought their own snack full of problems. You cannot adjust them by making yourself smarter, prettier, or make yourself more emotionally available.
Your partner has to love the you that existed before them, not some future version with upgrades.
The advertising phase cannot last forever. At some point, you will both go through phases of just wanting to hold a hand in the park, someone to watch Netflix with. You will stop playing a role for him and then you will see the real strength of the bond that you have formed.
You can only fight in the sense that you stand up for one another. You can also say that you fight alongside the other. But never to win over the other person.
Fighting is a terrible metaphor for partnership. You can never “win” someone else. There is no outside enemy. No rifles or soft blades. We only think there is one when there are no answers.
Why you should never fight for a Guy
Some women believe that this should be done, even if it means humiliating yourself or resigning yourself to living with someone who has no respect for you and your feelings. I think the opposite.
I believe that we are all individuals who have to go our own way. I’ve learned that fighting for a man to keep him with you isn’t worth the effort. It makes any girl looks fool and it makes us all seem hanger-on.
Instead of fighting for a man who doesn’t want to be with you or for someone who does things that hurt you, why don’t you just let him go? What’s the harm in letting go of all of the pain, humiliation, and stress that comes from being in a relationship with him?
What right does he have to rob you of your dignity and turn you into a jealous madwoman? He doesn’t have that right, but you have the right to move on.
There are countless reasons why you should not annoy fighting to save and keep your man. The most visible is that it is his own decision to do what he wants.
You and I may disagree with his decision and we may think he’s an idiot for making that decision, but we can’t stop an adult from making a bad decision. Instead, let him make his bad decisions. It’s his loss, not yours.
1. He’s not your soulmate
A soulmate is another person who you can completely trust. He loves you back more as much as you love him. He is there for you, understands you, and would do everything in his power to make you feel good.
A soulmate is someone you meet and in that first moment, you feel like you’ve known them forever. You don’t have to fight for his love and you certainly don’t have to prove anything to him.
If you’re in a relationship where you feel like you have to constantly fight for your husband’s love, attention, and other people to defend him, you are not in a healthy relationship.
You are in a personal hell from which only you can free yourself. Let go when you’re unhappy, knowing that your soulmate is out there and that you can find him.
2. You are wasting valuable time
If you feel like you are in a position where you have to fight to keep your man, take some time off first.
Do you realize how much time you lose trying to hold him or get him back? It will be more than just a few hours or a few days. In fact, you can be prepared to spend the rest of your days in constant combat with him.
Neither of you will be happy and neither of you will finish any of your side projects. You could toss any long-term goals out of the window.
If he wants to go, let him go. Now you have all that newfound free time. You can know focus on your life goals.
3. You don’t need the stress
Prolonged stress is bad for your health, so why should you send yourself through this hell just to hold onto a man? You do not need any additional stress in your life and certainly no additional health problems that are caused by it.
There are times when you just have to let him go. For example, when he’s struggling with drug addiction. He may say he wants to quit, but he doesn’t stick to withdrawal and always finds a reason and way to stick with the drugs.
You can only give so much, fight so long before you have to give up. It is really his fight that HE has to fight and you cannot force him to overcome his addiction unless it is something he really wants to do.
After a family member struggled with heroin addiction, I learned that you can’t force someone to change. While we’re all glad he overcame the addiction, it took years for him to overcome it. And no one but him could defeat them.
Many of us had to turn away from him while he faced his own demons because of all the stress, drama, and even danger associated with his addiction.
4. You will never be able to trust your man totally
If you are constantly struggling for someone’s love and affection, how can you ever trust that person?
I mean, if it doesn’t give you the love and loyalty you want in a relationship, is struggling for those qualities something you want to do for the rest of your life?
Trust grows in a new relationship. It is given and it is earned. If that trust is betrayed and you suddenly find yourself in an epic battle to keep your man by your side, how can you trust that he will go through thick and thin in life with you?
When trust is abused in a relationship it is very difficult to ever really get it back. It takes work on both sides to restore confidence, and even then, there will always be that nagging doubt in the dark alcoves of the mind. Why stay around after trust is broken when you can start fresh and fresh with someone else?
5. Once a cheater, always a cheater
Are you fighting for your husband and trying desperately to keep him away from other women? Why actually? You know that if he thinks of cheating on you, or if he cheated on you, he’ll most likely do it to you over and over, right?
So, don’t delay the inevitable and just walk away from him and the drama.
The same goes for guys who put their pals above their girlfriends. You can start a brawl and try to fight for your man’s attention, but he clearly chose his friends over you, so why fight for a guy who isn’t worth the effort?
The first rule of thumb when going on a date is never to put another person’s wishes above your personal needs. If he wants to go out and play all night but you need a man to stay home with you, there is no need to fight. You are not meant for one another.
6. He will no longer respect you
At the start of the new relationship, you were a strong, independent person. You didn’t rely on others to achieve your life goals.
After a few months of a relationship, the independent woman has become a jealous, angry woman full of insecurities. You constantly worry that he is cheating on you, but you haven’t found any evidence of it. You are slowly beginning to believe that you have a serious problem, and they inevitably lose all the respect they had for you when you were single and strong.
Finding yourself in the role of the insecure woman can be daunting, but there is an antidote. Stop fighting for your husband’s affection and get away from him.
Some men have a natural ability to unsettle women. If you’re in a relationship with any of these guys, there is no need to fight over them.
7. You seem needy
He’s been honest with you. He feels that the relationship with you is not working and he is interested in another person. The right thing for you would be to accept that the relationship is over and let him go peacefully, but you are so blinded by pain that you cannot let go.
Instead, you beg him to stay with you and give you one last chance. You pull on each of his heart’s strings and force him to stay in the relationship with you. He is not really happy and you are an absolute mess for him. On the outside, you seem desperate and needy.
The more you feel like you are failing in the relationship, the more you cling to him. Eventually, he will leave you or quickly run away from you and try to cut off all connection with you. You should have just let him go when he asked you.
8. It’s too late
Some relationships start off perfectly and slowly begin to fall apart as the two people get to know each other a little better. In a new relationship, we never show all of our mistakes in the first place, but these mistakes start to slip through the happy facade after about 3 months.
When that happens, what was once a happy relationship begins to crumble. Your heartaches and wishes for what you both had in the beginning.
But you cannot fight for what once was and for what was just the early romantic fluff that comes up in every new relationship. You just can’t get that back.
If after a few weeks or months you realize that the dream relationship is really a nightmare, you need to let go. Don’t fight the obvious. Instead, you should know that there is someone else out there who is better for you.
9. When you love someone, set them free
Surely, you’ve heard the saying that someone you love should be set free. Clinging to someone and holding on for the dear life is neither happiness nor love. It’s imprisonment.
If for some reason the man you love wants to leave you, you have to find the strength in you to let him go. Completely.
If he is having a personal crisis and feels that he needs to find himself or redefine his life, he will want to do it on his own. He doesn’t want you to fight for his attention.
He lets you go because he cares enough about you not to drag you along, and you should care enough about him to let go of you.
Sometimes relationships end because a person realizes they are on the wrong path or because they sense that something else is out there calling for them.
It’s a lonely journey of self-discovery. You have no right to interfere or fight to keep him with you.
10. You will never win
The battle for someone’s heart or loyalty is a battle you will never win. Many women get jealous when they are not the absolute focus of a man’s attention. You will scream, fight, and try to get the man’s focus on yourself.
The relationship is secondary to his grand scheme of things. What do you think will choose in the end? Certainly not the angry friend.
When you’re in a relationship where you are secondary and you want to be the first and only priority, your only options are to either get over yourself or walk away. Find a man who has the same relationship values as you.
Stop fighting for a man. Instead, invest. If your partner doesn’t want to do this, then say goodbye.