I don’t hate people, I just can’t stand superficial social contact and small talk
I used to be often asked by my parents why I didn’t talk to my friends or why I kept withdrawing. I’ve often been accused of being so introverted. I couldn’t explain what was going on inside me. I was just the way I was.
I thought I had something fundamental against people. I thought I would hate her. Because I wasn’t interested in talking to them and preferred to be alone with my books. Everyone who knew me thought I hated socializing.
My parents still had hope that it would change with age. But things didn’t get any better at university either. And over time the question came up in me why I’m not like the others. I was really trying to understand why I spend most of my time alone and why I’m always trying to avoid other people.
For most of my college years, I was alone. I really had very few friends because I just couldn’t get myself out of my head and had trouble socializing. Every now and then I was invited to parties, but it was a nightmare for me. i hated it
Because as soon as I got into a room with a lot of people, I just wanted to escape. I couldn’t stand the way people talked and talked. It seemed so fast and absolutely superficial to me. That was the worst for me.
But after a while I found out that it’s not the people themselves that I don’t like. I just didn’t like this superficiality. I didn’t understand her behavior. Sometimes they hugged each other even though they didn’t really know each other.
Still, I felt pressured. I couldn’t just live in isolation forever. And it’s not decent when you’re invited to a party and you just don’t talk to anyone. So I had to bring myself to do it and start a conversation with someone.
In truth, it was awful for me. I felt like I was in a far away country where everyone has so much in common except me. I felt compelled and absolutely trapped. I kept checking the clock and just hoping it would be over soon.
I now know that I don’t actually hate people at all. I’m just not comfortable with them. I couldn’t open up like the others when I first met them. It took me a long time to warm up – much longer than it would take for most people. And since I was so different, people thought I hated them.
But I don’t hate people, I’m just an introvert.
All my life I’ve been concerned with what’s wrong with me. Why I am so different and distant. I took courses that improved my understanding of psychology and I found similar people to exchange ideas with. I found what I was looking for, especially on social media.
It taught me that it wasn’t about staying away from all the people. It was much more about finding people to interact with. I thought I didn’t like to talk. But that was wrong!
I love conversations and they are very important to me. Because I can build a relationship with other people through conversations. However, I need more time to have a good conversation. And I especially need someone who is on the same frequency as me.
I learned that people are wonderful and found the human psyche extremely interesting. I learned that I couldn’t always expect everyone to think and act the way I did. I had to realize that not everyone loves the things I love.
And I learned that there are also people who are very similar to me. And to find out, I should try to deal with the people. Because in a large group of people, there can also be people like me. How am I supposed to know if I’m not trying to find out?
I know I still love being alone. And I sometimes find myself withdrawing to escape the dangers of human relationships. I still have trouble accepting that people make friends and then break up in a very short amount of time despite being so close.
Superficial conversations are still torture for me. You can’t really know a person by just scratching the surface. You have to dive deep into the water to build an understanding. For me, I realized that I love discussing life with people.
But I don’t enjoy small talk. It makes me rather unhappy and I don’t really know what to do with it. Nevertheless, every now and then I step out of my comfort zone and try to integrate myself into the outside world.
Then I explore things and go to parties and start some kind of conversations with some kind of people. And then all of a sudden I bump into people who are just like me.
People like us just like to slowly approach someone. They love their peace of mind and will always try to keep it. And that’s totally okay. Because we are all different.
