It made no sense in my mind. If my family is toxic, so am I. Anyway, that was my way of looking at it, although now I realize that’s not true.
And when it comes to friendships, I’ve always wondered, “Who wants to be friends with a toxic person? “. In fact, I thought that toxic people were located miles away and therefore everyone ran away from them.
Oh how wrong I was! I learned the greatest lesson of my life through our friendship. Unfortunately, it was not positive. But at least now I know what to expect.
For a long time, I considered you my best friend. I confessed my most embarrassing and intimate secrets to you. I told you about my romantic and sexual experiences. And we spent hours discussing the relationship we had with our parents.
With you, I felt confident. I felt like I had found the one person who truly understood me and was going to (for sure) spend the rest of his life by my side.
But, I fell from above!
I discovered, little by little, that you weren’t as sincere as I thought. I was convinced that I could always count on you, but I was wrong.
When I needed your help and advice, you literally disappeared. Besides, over time, I started to spot a little mean look on your face.
When I told you about my screwed up adventures or my love disappointments, you were almost happy to see me suffer or cry. Of course, it took me a while to spot that and accept it.
After all, you were my best friend and I didn’t want to see the truth. In fact, you fed me lies and manipulated me in order to get what you needed: my time, my attention and my admiration.
In short, you were a real toxic partner, if we can compare our relationship to that of a couple. So, I had to make a difficult decision: I turned my back on you!
But beware ! I didn’t cut ties with you because I’m a selfish “princess”, I did it because I was fed up.
It was exhausting and stressful trying to help you, but not getting anything in return when I needed support.
You constantly left me alone to pick up the broken pieces of my being, which is an important skill to have, but I can’t keep giving my heart and being hurt.
For so long, I let you control. You told me who to talk to and what I should want; you minimized my feelings.
You made me believe that was true friendship, that’s why I stayed so long.
You always told me you loved me, but was that true, or did you just love the way I stuck around no matter how many times you broke me?
Anyway, after dealing with your toxic friendly behavior for quite a long time, I finally had an epiphany. I realized that someone who really loved me wouldn’t hurt me.
I defended myself, for once. I decided I was tired of making myself last for people who didn’t care about me at all. I took control of my life after remembering that I was the only one in control.
Now that you’re out of my life, all I want is for you to grow up.
I want you to succeed and become someone you love, but this time you will have to do it without my help.
I won’t be there to catch you when you fall, because I need to catch myself instead.
I hope you find true happiness, not the one where you constantly compare your life to that of others to see who has more.
Fall in love with your image and your spirit, ultimately with yourself; I did it and I have to say it’s really beautiful.
I don’t regret our friendship, because I learned a lot. But I don’t want to continue it either, because you don’t deserve me. You’re not the kind of friend who wishes well for those close to her.
You are way too selfish for that. Indeed, you think only of yourself and the needs of others do not matter to you at all. Your absence during my moments of anguish is proof of that.
The casual way you put down my fears and hurts too.
I don’t wish harm, of course. In fact, I sincerely hope you grow up to be a better person, someone a friend can rely on.
Honestly, you have a long road ahead. But if you really want to change, you can do it. And only then can you be truly happy.
On the other hand, if you choose to continue on the path of toxicity, know that you will lose everyone around you. And you will end your life alone and miserable.
For my part, I made the choice to move away from you and I have no intention of backtracking.