Love-hate: are you in a relationship where the two mingle?
Many partners live in a love-hate relationship and wonder what can get them out of this complicated and painful situation.
Everyone expresses their emotions in different ways. You and your partner can be full of love and excitement at one time and become rivals at other times.
Initially, you may not think about this agreement/disagreement too much and settle for this pattern.
However, as the relationship develops and the feelings of love and hate start to get more complicated, you might start to worry about being overwhelmed by the negative feelings.
You may also wonder if the decision to get into this relationship was the right one.
What is a love-hate relationship?
A love-hate relationship is one in which both partners have strong feelings for each other, but are inconsistent in their expression.
They therefore behave affectionately on some occasions and as enemies on others.
Couples in a love-hate relationship tend to say mean words that they don’t mean.
On some occasions, they can’t stand each other and may want to end the relationship, but don’t.
Besides the apparent inconsistency of their emotions, there are some other signs that suggest your relationship is a love-hate one.
If you and your partner are going through extreme emotions, look for these other behaviors or signs that suggest the nature of your relationship.
1. Sometimes you feel like your partner is a blessing in your life.
Extreme emotions define love-hate relationships.
Sometimes you feel like the luckiest person in the world because of some attractive qualities in your partner.
You may like your partner to be dynamic, focused on life, always helpful, and making you a priority.
No matter how hard you try, you find certain qualities irresistible in your partner.
2. Sometimes you just can’t stand it.
There are a few character traits that totally turn you off. It can be his selfishness, his bad temper or his laziness.
These habits or traits aren’t necessarily deal breakers, but they do tend to cause friction from time to time.
At times like these, you feel like you made a mistake committing to your partner.
3. You are in a constant cycle of passion and arguments.
In a love-hate relationship, you love and hate each other with passion.
When the two of you argue, the argument is intense and can lead to name-calling and threats of a breakup. In these tense moments, you can find yourself very repulsive.
Even as you contemplate breaking up, you may change your mind, shower yourself with love, and forget that you were at loggerheads not long ago.
But this love is also short-lived, as the cycle of breakups and reconciliations continues.
4. You see the relationship as a challenge.
Initially, you may have been attracted to the positive aspects of your partner (and you still are).
But when the negatives caught up with you, you were taken aback and wanted to end the relationship.
However, the positives are too good to give up or you’ve invested too much time and effort walking away without trying again.
So you start to nurture the relationship like a prized possession, with the goal of winning it back. You can try to get him to stay committed to you permanently or give in to your needs and wants.
5. Where are you headed?
You see other couples moving forward in their relationship, supporting and understanding each other, but you two are stuck in the vicious cycle of love and hate.
With all these conflicting emotions and roller coasters, you can’t figure out what the future of your relationship is.
Maybe you got comfortable with the relationship or are afraid of being single.
6. There is no emotional bond between you.
Although you adore certain traits of your partner, you don’t love them enough to accept their flaws.
This prevents the two of you from having an emotional connection, which is essential for the longevity of the relationship.
You may be looking for perfection and trying to match your partner to your mental image of the perfect guy.
Every time he does something amazing, your heart fills with love for him.
And as soon as he goes against your will, you start to hate him. Your feelings for him become conditional and depend on how he makes you feel.
7. You both have emotional baggage.
The lack of an emotional connection can lead to constant fights and conflicts. At some point, you won’t discuss issues anymore and you may start sweeping them under the rug.
Let’s say you’re mad at your spouse for not taking out the trash. Instead of addressing this single issue, you use it to bring out all the previously unresolved issues.
This accumulated anger leads to hatred and resentment, which are like a ticking time bomb ready to explode at the slightest disturbance.
And when she explodes, the lack of a proper emotional connection only makes things worse.
8. The things you don’t like about your partner keep bothering you.
As we mentioned before, there may be things you can’t stand about your partner.
So even though you feel incredibly attracted to him, the aspects you don’t like about him nag at you. So it’s hard for you to love him or completely hate him.
You may have tried talking to your partner about the things that are bothering you, but there is no change, and eventually you come to the conclusion that they will never change.
It leaves you frustrated because you can’t decide whether to stay for the good things or leave for the bad.
9. You talk less to each other and more about each other.
When you’re unsure of your partner and talking to them isn’t getting you anywhere, you try to quiet the voices in your head by bringing your relationship issues to friends and family.
You have the impression that they see things differently or that they know how to fix your relationship.
You will feel an impulsive need to share your feelings with your friends to gain their support and validation.
And you know it might hurt or anger your partner, but you can’t help it, because the doubts in your head don’t let you sit still.
10. You try to play it safe.
A healthy relationship is one in which you can be yourself, love each other without limits, and accept each other without reservation.
But in a love-hate relationship, you’re sometimes in and sometimes you’re out.
Such lukewarm emotions push you to protect yourself.
For fear of being rejected and hurt, you try to play it safe. You start building scenarios in your head about how you can get out of the relationship unscathed.
You try to focus more on the qualities you hate and put your partner aside.