Separate or Forgive? Here’s what you should think about if you’ve been scammed

When we have been cheated on by our partner , it can be very overwhelming – most of the time we just feel anger and disappointment. 

But even worse is the big question that comes up afterwards: ‘Break up or forgive’. Before you decide too quickly, you should first let these questions go through your head.

First of all, collect your thoughts with these points.

After our partner’s infidelity, we’re just paralyzed. The pain is too deep. It is difficult to think clearly. Nevertheless, a decision is necessary . 

Especially when the partner asks you for forgiveness and doesn’t really want to end the relationship. But where is the best place to start? With these questions you can at least organize your thoughts after the bad news and then decide:

1. What are you feeling?

After the infidelity, there is great emotional chaos at first. It’s totally normal that you might feel deeply hurt and disappointed right now. In this situation you feel almost overwhelmed by feelings. It’s hard to say what’s going on inside you right now.

 But perhaps one of the feelings is particularly present . Listen to yourself: Do you tend to be sad or angry and have a thirst for revenge? Possibly the infidelity doesn’t trigger anything for you and leaves you completely cold. The most present feeling can be a good indication of how you should proceed in order to be at peace with yourself.

2. How is your relationship in general?

An important question you should ask yourself after the infidelity: how is your relationship going ? And what exactly could be the reason for cheating? In most cases, the infidelity is based on a completely different problem. 

Have you grown apart and lived side by side for the past few weeks and months? It could be that you weren’t really aware of it. And if you actually grew apart: Did the time alone make you rather sad and did you miss your partner? Or was the alone time a real treat? With the answers to these questions, you can also come closer to deciding how to proceed.

3. How much has your confidence suffered as a result?

At this point, nothing needs to be embellished, because cheating is and remains an enormous breach of trust. The only question is whether you believe that trust in your counterpart can ever be restored. 

Because being jealous for years isn’t the point if you want to try again. This only leads to frustration and ultimately leads to a breakup nonetheless. If you don’t want to give up your relationship, both partners must agree that it must be a new beginning for both of you.

4. What conclusions would you like to draw from this?

Now you’ve got the most important things going through your head. Now it is up to you to decide how to proceed with your partnership. Above all, keep one thing in mind: communication is the be-all and end-all! Regardless of whether you separate or you forgive your counterpart.