It would seem that today when the equality of opportunity (including financial) is one of the hottest trends, and women are stubbornly mastering almost all professional areas – even those that were traditionally considered the prerogative of men – the issue of income differences should not be a reason for conflicts. Nevertheless, the statistics make one think.
According to the results of a study by American scientists conducted in 2010 among married and living in a common marriage couples 18-28 years old, it showed that men who earn much less than their companions are five times more likely to cheat. than men whose income is equal to that of their spouse.
Other studies suggest that women who receive significantly more than their men tend to charge more (rather than less) as it would be logical to assume) household chores and worries associated with children. Finally, a 2013 study from the University of Washington found that men with lower incomes than their wives were 10% more likely to see a doctor complaining of increased anxiety, insomnia and s*xual problems – and the severity of these ailments turns out to be the greater the gap in the level of salaries of spouses.
In short, earning more than a loved one, we run the risk of facing a number of difficulties that we sometimes do not even know about. If your couple is a rare exception, and income inequality does not bother you and does not violate family harmony, congratulations, you managed to bypass the statistics. If you feel that the financial issue is becoming a source of quarrels and destroys your relationship, you may need these simple tips.
Do not attempt to change roles
If earlier in your couple a man was primarily responsible for financial well-being, and you were responsible for comfort, cleanliness, and a delicious dinner, now, having assumed (albeit unintentionally) the role of a breadwinner, you will inevitably feel the temptation to shift household responsibilities onto your beloved. It would seem logical: I make money – you wash the floor and bake pies. But, with rare exceptions, such a policy can only exacerbate the problem.
A man who is already oppressed by your financial superiority will become even more despondent from the role of a housewife imposed on him. And certainly, this castling will not inspire him for career achievements and the search for new sources of income. Conclusion: be patient and be wiser. Instead of categorically handing your beloved a vacuum cleaner with pans, gently ask him for help, complain about
Do not doubt his manliness
If you feel that your lover’s lower-income is not affecting your relationship in the best way, pay attention to how your own behavior has changed since the moment you started earning more. An expert on family relations Alison Armstrong argues that in order to maintain harmony, it is important that men.
Even if they currently bring less to the family budget than their spouses, should continue to feel like defenders, earners – in a word, they should feel responsible for financial the well-being of your family. Common female mistakes in such a situation are criticism, complaints, reproaches, and especially the desire to take on the role of boss. “If a woman believes that the leading role in the relationship belongs to the one who earns the most, she will face serious difficulties,” says Alison.
Naturally, we do not take into account the situation when a man faced with a financial crisis experiences it lying on the couch for weeks – this is a different kind of problem. But, unfortunately, women themselves often push their loved ones to the sofa and TV with their domineering behavior, who simply ceased to see men in their men because of the difference in earnings.
Leave him the right to make all financial decisions
Even if your salary is the main source of the family budget, do not make financial decisions alone. And the point is not only that such an attitude will simply offend a man. Psychologists say that having become the sole manager of finances, a woman is inclined to imperceptibly lose not only respect for a man but also s*xual attraction to a man – and all because making any serious decisions is subconsciously perceived by us as a masculine trait.
How to be? Make all financial decisions together. Even if you earn much more – consult with your loved one about purchases, let him understand that his opinion is decisive, ask permission for this or that purchase. It is possible that this will ultimately inspire a man to find new sources of income or get a raise and start earning more.
Stay female and ask for help
One of the basic male needs is to be needed. That is why, according to psychologists, men experience a very painful situation when their companions begin to earn much more – they are simply afraid of being unnecessary. The worst thing that can be done in this case is to constantly demonstrate to the man your independence and independence.
Great, you proved to him and to yourself that you are a self-sufficient Miss Independent – but did your relationship benefit from that? Right now, more than ever, it is important for you to show femininity and weakness: ask your beloved for help for any reason and in no case take on an overwhelming heap of work tasks, no matter how great the temptation to start working for two.
Avoid comparisons
The desire to inspire a loved one to conquer new financial heights is understandable, but comparisons like “but your classmate recently became a commercial director” can play against you in this case. Believe me: your man is very aware of the achievements of his friends, and yes, competition can be a good incentive for him.
But the reminder of other people’s successes, sounding from your lips, will not provide your man with either inspiration or motivation – it will only inform him that you consider his own achievements insignificant. Do not get tired of noticing all the successes of your beloved, do not skimp on admiration and praise – and you will be surprised to discover what peaks he is able to conquer.